I cried blood this year. Before I go on to tell you how it happened, we will hit on some history.
‘If I beat you ehn, you’ll cry blood’
The warning above is one of the major threats Nigerians give people younger than us, sometimes people in our age group and maybe on one or two occasions, just so they don’t take us for granted — people that are older than us, but whom we look more muscular than. 😂
I’ve always thought it silly that someone would even threaten anyone with crying blood — I mean that would be death (until I saw someone actually cry blood, though from an eye infection).
My aunt put forth the hypothesis that I’m a cry-baby because I have sufficient eyelashes. I’ve cried a lot in this life, because I’m very emotional and very few of those tears have been over the loss of a dead loved one (thanks be to God).
Few days ago, I’d put on my WhatsApp status that I was thankful for tears. Two people attacked me with suspicion but two other people understood — possibly because they know how cathartic tears can be.
I had the worst mental, emotional and psychological breakdown this year. I cried for three months — sometimes trice a day even. I slept little, ate little (normally I skip meals but this got even worse). My life was rowing fjord a river of tears. I began talking to as much people as I could about what I was going through — normally I’d keep it hidden but this time I knew I had to talk to people about it. Well, it worked for as long as I was with them in person, on the phone or through chats but it worsened as soon as I couldn’t keep contact with them. It got so bad that I would sit in front of a mirror and watch myself mourn — it was actually beautiful 😂.
One day, I talked to God about what I was going through and I heard Him clearly, ‘No good thing will I withhold from you.’ (Should have talked to Father first, He always knows what will happen).
Most of my life, I’ve depended on my relationship with people as a reminder of worth. These months, my blood cry helped me hear God through all of the people I talked with and through his word. I don’t have a band aid on my eyes — crying blood heals itself. I believe I see life clearer and I’m moving towards a horizon that is the most beautiful than I’ve ever been. I’ve learned that if someone isn’t the one commanded by God to love me, they’re not worth killing myself over. People who are supposed to be in our lives will be there — sometimes a blood cry reveals them.
If you’re going through anything, TALK TO GOD, talk to yourself or talk to people whom you trust will be sensible about it (God and self are mandatory options here). In the end, as Ijeoma Umebuinyo says,
“When you cry, let it be beautiful.”
Birth strength and resolve from your tears. Grow my love, grow!